Diamond Heart II

My son and I are so alike. It took me years to realize.  I am often calling him out for things that I do myself, like being hot tempered, sensitive, not wanting to get my hair done (ahahahaha), or wanting to have the last word. I think it must be hard for him being the eldest. You often get a lot loaded onto your shoulders, purely for the fact that you appeared first.  Some days I am too hard, some days I am too soft. For a LIBRA, I often struggle to find balance. But I am getting there. WE are getting there.  Some moments I just stop and ask myself, “Do you remember what it was like to be a child? To be a 4-year-old?”  I imagine it must be scary, overwhelming, confusing, frustrating, and a whole lot more. Then I get perspective, become calm, and remember the joy and gratitude I felt when I held my son for the first time.

When we are so focused on our own adult happenings, half of which we don’t even need, we forget what it was to be children. To want nothing more than to be loved and to be love. To have fun, wild and free, to eat, to play, to sleep when we want, and to know that our parents want us, and are happy to be with us. As parents/adults we get so caught up trying to live according to rules that do not resonate with us, that we can betray our own ideas and our own spirits.

Being a parent can be tough, and nobody is perfect.  Just for today, hour by hour, minute by minute, I will be compassionate and kind to my boy. I will not shout or behave in a way that suggests I am disappointed in him (because I am not). I will communication more. I will hug him and tell him I love him more. Because I do not want him spending his adult life trying to repair the damage from his youth.  As parents, as people, we all make mistakes. Today I will learn from mine.

I love you Rock, I truly truly love you. Thank you for being you.

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